Some of you may know that I've taken off to Arizona to visit my mom, dad, and sisters. So far it has been an eventful and emotionally confusing trip. The emotions aren't good emotions, but they're nothing very bad either, actually just... confused.

Very few of you know my family situation. When I was just a baby, less than a year old, I was adopted by my grandparents. The people I call mom and dad have always been my biological grandparents, but they will always be my parents to me. That means that my biological mother has always been my sister to me.

It's a very strange family situation, as I have aunts and an uncle that are my siblings to me, several cousins who are nieces/nephews to me, a great grandmother that has always been 'gramma' to me, etcetera. To most people, this is very confusing, but this is my life... I'm used to it.

On the subject of adoption and my parents, I have never met my biological father. He and my mother were never married.

Since Dana (the 'sister' that gave birth to me) is here with the rest of my close family, I had a chance to talk to her about it. I never really thought much on the situation, and definitely had not asked about it. Yes, I wondered, but I was afraid and unsure if I even cared about this man, and whether he was alive or dead.

I had never been told, to my knowledge, what happened with him. If I had been told, I'd ignored it and thought up my own story. I had assumed all my life that he had wanted me to be aborted and left Dana alone.

Yesterday, I was told otherwise. Dana explained to me that while his parents wanted her to abort, he didn't, and he wanted us. Dana told me that she ran away from him and his parents because she was afraid. I'd never known this. Now the person I had been afriad to contact because I felt he wouldn't care was forced into a new light.

I had, a few times, looked for information about him online. A while back, I'd looked on Facebook for him, but not found him because I didn't know where he actually lived... and you'd be surprised how many men have the same name as him on Facebook.

Come to find out he lives in Montana. Dana and I did another Facebook search and the one and only man by his name in the Missoula area just so happened to be him.

Thankfully, Dana decided to contact Mike herself. I don't think I could have done it. In a simple note, she basically wrote to him, "I'm just wondering if you remember me. I have something that I'd like to talk to you about. I don't mean to invade your life or privacy in any way." She made no mention of me or whatever their former relationship was.

Rather quickly, Mike responded back with something that shocked Dana and I so much that we turned to each other and hugged and cried. He said something to the extent of, "Yes, of course I remember you. I've thought about our daughter Sydney (he spelled it wrong, which told me that he hadn't somehow looked me up on Facebook before responding; my name is spelled 'Sydni' ) all her life, and I hope someday she decides she would like to get to know me. I hope everything is alright. Please give me a call." He included his phone number.

It was the most surprising, amazing thing that he knew me... that he remembered my name... that he thought of me. I would have never imagined that he even cared, but everything that I thought I'd known for all my life rearranged itself yesterday, why shouldn't that?

We did have plans for the day, so Dana let him know that we would talk to him later. We went to the mall, and tried to relax, even though the subject was hanging in the air and inevitably came out a couple of times.

When we returned home, we found out he had a meeting this evening, and that it would be over at a certain time, so we decided to call him after he was done. Until then, Dana and I had ourselves a bit of liquid courage and tried to relax and have fun. My family and I played Dominos, though it didn't last very long.

Soon enough, Dana called him up. For about thirty minutes she talked to him. I was eating dinner, and mom wouldn't let me eat in there, so I went between scarfing delicious turkey and mashed potatos and stuffing and gravey and walking in to evesdrop. When I was finished, I laid on her bed and listened as she talked.

Then, it was my turn. For thirty minutes I discovered the other part of me I didn't know about. And even now there are several unanswered questions.

I found out that I had a half-sister that I didn't know about named Jennifer (mind you, Dana has two other kids, so I already had two half-siblings to my knowledge, Zachary and Paige). It feels strange to have this new sibling, especially since she's only about six months younger than me. Mike told me that she was in a similar situation as I am, but she contacted him when she was seventeen.

I found out that Mike is mostly of German descent, that there are no major hereditary diseases in his family that he knows of, that he's a dental enameler (I think that's what he said... a lot of the information is still jumbled in my head, even after sleeping), and that he's waited all my life for me to finally decide to contact him. He told me that he's had a photo of me when I was a baby above his mantel, and that he'd considered trying to find me, but he didn't want to invade my privacy.

Those thirty minutes seemed like hours. I couldn't think of anything to really tell him or ask him--even now I still can't--aside from the fact that I'm married, that I've had a decent life, and that I was very afraid of him. I think he understood, but I know that this was as hard on him as it was Dana and I to finally come in contact with me.

While I expected this to happen on this trip, I didn't expect it so soon... and as I had been under the assumption that he didn't want me, when Dana sent him the note, the last thing I expected was what he responded with. Dana had feared he wouldn't respond at all. I had feared that he would respond, but with a resounding, "I don't know who you are and want nothing to do with you" or that if he did know me that he would still shun me.

It took some doing to fall asleep last night. I slept ok, though I had a strange dream about a mechanical man crying. My head is a bit clearer today, but I'm still confused and unsure of what I'd like to say to this man who is practically a stranger. Right now on Facebook there is a note from him, a reply to one I'd sent him first, staring at me and demanding I answer it. But what with, I'm not sure.

Anyhow, I'm sure over the next few days everything will sort itself out. Today, Dana is going home. She'll be leaving about 1:30 this afternoon. Around three, Gary is coming to pick me up to have an early Thanksgiving with his parents. I don't want to stay long, definitely don't want to stay the night... I want to come home and spend as much time with mom and dad and Allesa as possible before we go back to New Mexico.

I don't know what our plans are for the rest of the trip, but I'm glad to be home and, actually, I'm glad that it's gone the way it has so far. I will say this: the mom and dad that I grew up with, the parents that raised me, will always be my mom and dad. No matter what anybody does, they are always going to be the ones that raised me and the ones I love with all my heart. I think Dana and Mike know this, I just hope they're ok with it. But if everything works itself out, I'll be glad to accept this strange new man into my life, knowing that it was because of him that I have one at all.